Eric TF Bat's Journal

Heath Ledger is notable for being two things at the moment. They are:

Not gay
Dead

This hasn't stopped our good friends at the Westboro Baptist "Church" announcing plans to picket his memorial because he played a gay cowboy in some movie a while back. (And hey, he was a gay athlete in his first TV show, so there's a real trend there. I'm sure the whole thing with girlfriends, an ex-wife and a baby daughter is just a cover, right? Are we even sure Mary-Kate Olsen counts as a human female? She's probably some sort of gay robot or something. But I digress.)

My first thought, a familiar one whenever I read anything about our satanist friends the Phelps, was that someone needs to go beat them to a pulp. Sadly, however, unplugged flaws in the legal system of the USA mean this sort of thing is inexplicably frowned upon. So here's what people need to do, and if you're in LA or anywhere that the Phelps show up. Feel free to pass these instructions on.

When dealing with anti-gay protests at Heath Ledger's memorial, or anywhere else for that matter, gather as many gay or gay-friendly friends as possible. Form a circle around the protesters, as much as possible blocking them from view and preventing them running away. Pair up (or trio up if you like that sort of thing; I'm not fussy). Specifically, pair up in same-sex groups. Then: snog.

Yes, that's right: kiss. Lots. Snuggling, cuddling and canoodling should also be part of the process. Remember, your goal is to:

Demonstrate that gay people are lovely and cuddly and nice and hardly ever sprout horns and breathe fire except on special occasions; and
Make those Phelps bastards' flesh crawl in terror and revulsion.

Now, I'm not gay, so maybe this is all dreadfully culturally imperialist of me... but I don't need to like big hunky boys to realise that the Westboro Baptists are the slime that grows on the fungus you find on the underside of the lower-quality varieties of semi-recent cat shit. And if you can give them fatal heart failure with a harmless, enjoyable (and entirely legal) snuggle, why the hell not?

Tags: best of, god's chosen people, the stupid it burns

(Leave a comment)

cthulu_for_pm

2008-01-25 12:24 am (UTC)

This plan has my hearty approval.

japester

2008-01-25 12:30 am (UTC)

yes!

jeff_duntemann

2008-01-25 12:34 am (UTC)

This is a great idea.

I do want to make it clear to people who do not follow the world of religion that Westboro isn't really Baptist, and virtually the entire Baptist world has disowned them. It isn't really a church in the strictest sense of the word either, but instead one man (a disbarred lawyer) and his extended family, using the USA's strong First Amendment rights to cover their asshat activities. When Phelps finally dies (and one gets the impression that God doesn't want him, so we're stuck with him near-term) the whole thing will likely dissolve in its own venom and cease to be a danger.

etfb

2008-01-25 06:16 am (UTC)

I certainly hope so. Do you see any sign of other religious crackpots supporting the Phlagellating Phelpses, or are they completely alone? They're certainly a gift for any atheists out there looking to recruit...

lauredhel

2008-01-25 10:32 am (UTC)

No cookie for Baptists on that one, while they continue to generate and embrace toxic souls like Huckabee, who is openly a big fan of "wifely submission" and of tossing out the US Constitution in favour of his particular version of Biblical law.

I find him and his ilk more scary and a bigger threat than the GHF crowd. If anything the GHFers are just more candid about their agenda.

e.g.

During a failed run for the U.S. Senate in 1992, Huckabee noted in response to a questionnaire, "Homosexuality is an aberrant, unnatural, and sinful lifestyle, and we now know it can pose a dangerous public health risk." He suggested that the federal government commit no additional federal funding to finding a cure for AIDS, then considered by many to be a gay disease. In the same reply, Huckabee displayed callousness toward AIDS victims and an ignorance about the ways in which AIDS could be transmitted. "If the federal government is truly serious about doing something with the AIDS virus, we need to take steps that would isolate the carriers of this plague," he wrote.

jwm

2008-01-25 01:13 am (UTC)

Even Fox News where taking the piss out of those creepy Westboro Baptist assholes, yesterday. I guess it's nice to know they draw a line somewhere.

aunty_del

2008-01-25 08:16 am (UTC)

So you want me to cuddle up to the nearest available (at the time) nice woman and snog her? *sigh* It's a tough job, but I'm sure I can Do My Bit...

auntyyolly

2008-01-25 10:44 am (UTC)

Good plan, but there's an even simpler one.

Let them come and picket the funeral.

In Perth.

Perth clings to the fringes of civilisation in a not-wholly convincung fashion and has some of the most heavily armed citizens in Australia. The police have been known to turn a blind eye on occasion. There are many great big sharks to the west, impenetrable desert to the east, deserts AND crocodiles to the north east and large men with tractors to the south.

So, it will cost Westboro $3000 per person to arrive in Perth, a good few will probably contract DVT on the way, and then Completely Legitimate Accidents can befall the rest. Because tourists are so lax about paying attention to the harshness of Australian conditions.

Everybody wins!

maureenlycaon

2008-01-25 02:09 pm (UTC)

. . . the Westboro Baptists are the slime that grows on the fungus you find on the underside of the lower-quality varieties of semi-recent cat shit.

That's a gross insult to the world's harmless and necessary slimes and fungi, none of whom care to be associated with the Phelps clan.

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
			1	2	3	4
5	6	7	8	9	10	11
12	13	14	15	16	17	18
19	20	21	22	23	24	25
26	27	28	29	30	31

etfb

It's People Like You What Causes Unrest